What a Difference a Day Can Make!

Class today was so much better. The teacher told us that it is up to us what we read, since we aren't being tested on it. That took such a load off, especially since the parts I did read are so common sense to me. I also realized that one of the papers we have to write is very similar to one that I wrote for my class last semester and I can use most of it.
My second class was GREAT!! It is my Group Counseling class and we are doing alot of stuff that I am going to be able to use in my POINT class at school. This is the stuff I love. It's nice to end the day with a class that I enjoy. I always enjoy the experiential classes so much more. So schoolwise, I feel much better, but I still have this pit in my stomach. I just keep feeling like something is missing and I know what that is, but I haven't really done much to change that. This always happens when I get too busy and am stubborn about doing what I want instead of what is best for me. I know that I keep looking to others for approval, to make me feel okay about myself. I know I'm looking in the wrong place, but It always comes back to this and I know the answer, but I am sooooo stubborn. I have to make time for God and be still long enough to listen.

I think I can, I think I can...

My first day of class at UNT did nothing to help me gain confidence about getting my masters. I arrived on campus around 11:30, got a parking sticker and spent the next 20 minutes circling one way streets to find a place to park where I wouldn't get a ticket. Not the closest parking to the my class, but I think I'm okay. It took about 5 minutes to get to my class and I was late for my first day. The instructor was already talking ninety to nothing and continued to talk for two hours. Needless to say she is a very passionate person and has a lot of stories. We finally got a break after my bladder was about to explode and all we had done was go through the syllabus and have introductions. I started having a little mini anxiety attack when I realized the amount of work that was going to be required for this short 5 weeks. At this point, I started questioning what the hell was I doing. The next two hours was okay, but I think I may be a little ADD because I just can't stay focused for that long. After class I headed to the bookstore and financial aide, I really didn't know where they were. So I'm lugging my computer bag, which I haven't even used yet in the heat, my hair is sticking to my face and I realize that I am extremely hungry, but I need to get my books and go to financial aide before they close.
When I got to financial aide, I found out my verification did not go through because I failed to fill in all the boxes with 0's that didn't apply to me. So I got that done and headed to the bookstore. When I got to the bookstore, I found out that they don't have two of the books that I need for that class. It would take a week or two to get them in. Which is halfway through the class, but they did direct me to an off-campus bookstore, so I headed there to get one of the books I needed. I did find that there is parking right across the street from my class, which would have been nice to know before my fist class, so i reparked. I am a little shaky at this time because I still haven't gotten anything to eat, but I got one of the books I needed, so I headed back to campus union to find some food. Since it's summer there wasn't really anything open, but I did finally find something and I started to relax a little bit, but then I realized that it might be a good idea if I try to get my book for the next class. YEAH, they actually had one left!
My second four hour class, was much better, the teacher is great! But it is still fours hours!
On my way home, I really started to have an anxiety attack. When I got home, I just started bawling. Can I really do this? I know that I can because I can do anything I set my mind to, but I was mentally exhausted. This morning, I broke it all into pieces so that I'm not looking at the entire 5 weeks at one time. One day at a time. I just have to keep telling myself that. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...

Patio Finished!!!

After spending the day on the lake on Saturday, we came home and finished up the patio. It was great to sit back and enjoy the hard work we put in. I cleaned my apartment on Sunday and spent some time with Renee so we could get caught up on "things". We talked about my confidence and that is definitely something I want to work on this summer. I want to feel like I did last summer when I felt really good about myself on the inside and the out. So, last night I hopped back on the exercise wagon. Ran and walked about 3 miles and today I started yoga. So hopefully, I can start feeling good about my body again soon. That takes care of the outside, so now I just have to make a plan for the inside.
I found out today that I can not get the counseling position at school because I need 24 hours and I will only have 18, so I should be in line for next year. I think I will feel more confident if I have more hours under my belt anyway.
So the last few days have been pretty boring and again when I'm bored, I get a little depressed. Good thing school starts tomorrow and I can have something productive to do.

What A Productive Day!

We built the patio yesterday, since it finally quit raining long enough for the sand to dry out. Yes, I am a Bad Ass!!! We had to break up all the dirt and lugged about 3000 pounds of freakin' rock. Every muscle in my body hurts this morning. The weather was great! Not too hot, a little bit of a breeze, and clouds here and there. Not to say I didn't sweat like a hog. I was one dirty girl at the end of the day. It rained reallly hard last night so it's a good thing we got it done before that. If the weather holds out, I am going with a couple of the neighbors to the lake today.