August 12, 2007

I finally got a tattoo! Jamie, Suzanne, Mayra and me had a great time downtown, and finished off the evening with me getting a tattoo. I am really happy with it, and it didn't hurt too bad to get. I finally found a tattoo that has meaning for me and I feel will not change with time.

Time with family!!!

Kelli and the kids came up on Thursday and we got to spend a few days together. It was so good to see them, but went by way too quickly. Caitin was on her way to Impulse camp at ACU. She is almost as tall as me now, which is crazy and I can remember her toddling around and callling me Sassy. We went to lunch with Robert so the kids could see him and it went really. Trace had asked Kelli before we got there if he needed to be cautious. He is so concerned with how everyone feels. Not awkward at all. He's doing something different with his hair and when the kids were getting into a picture with him, Caroline said "come on you with your freaky hair". I thought we all were going to die laughing. We stayed at the Westin on Friday night and went to Fort Worth on Saturday to see Troy and Lindsey. I hadn't seen their little girl Ella and she is two now. So it was good to see them. I drove so that was the first time since I hurt my foot. It was incredibly freeing.

So on Sunday, July 8, I was standing on the bed hanging pictures in my bedroom. I had a frame laying on the bed and I stepped back into the frame. My foot went through the glass and the back of the frame. It all happened so fast, I pulled a piece of glass out of the bottom of my foot, but I had slit a huge gash in the top of my foot. Luckily I had a bunch of packing paper on the floor so I wrapped my foot in the packing paper and scooted on my butt to the kitchen so I could call my neighbors. They were home and came running over, before I passed out. Betty took me to the emergency room where I got 8 stitches. I cut a tendon to my 4th toe and the cut went to the bone. It's seems to be healing very well, but it has been a complete pain to have to depend so much on other people and not be able to get around well. I am looking forward to getting the stiches out on Thursday so that I can go back to working out. Hopefully the tendon will heal and that toe won't curl under too much. Definitely going to have a scar, but it's a good story anyway.

Alice's Bachelorette Party

We have all taught together.

June 28, 2007

My birthday was great!!! Although I spent the day at school, I celebrated with my friends on Friday night. We went to Glass Cactus and had a really good time. Got hit on by a British soccer team, mostly 25 year olds. So I guess I still got it. I danced and just enjoyed my friends. I did not go over the edge though. It hurts too bad when I go over that edge. Almost everyone I know called me for my birthday. I think they are all worried about me. But it felt really nice.

June 21, 2007

I had a great time on my trip to Nasaau Bay. It was great to get away and not have to think about life for a while. The week before we left was a tough one for me. I went through an emotional rollercoaster, but for good reason. It seems in my life when I am on that emotional rollercoaster, I am in a place that I am not supposed to be. Otherwise I wouldn't have that extreme pit in my stomach. I was putting aside my beliefs for what I thought felt good at the time. No one makes me do this, I just choose it and God always reminds me by tugging at my spirit that I am not supposed to be there. He's been doing that for quite some time, but again I am stubborn and think I know best. I am posting some pictures of the trip to remind me how great it is to have great friends that you can enjoy life with.

What a Difference a Day Can Make!

Class today was so much better. The teacher told us that it is up to us what we read, since we aren't being tested on it. That took such a load off, especially since the parts I did read are so common sense to me. I also realized that one of the papers we have to write is very similar to one that I wrote for my class last semester and I can use most of it.
My second class was GREAT!! It is my Group Counseling class and we are doing alot of stuff that I am going to be able to use in my POINT class at school. This is the stuff I love. It's nice to end the day with a class that I enjoy. I always enjoy the experiential classes so much more. So schoolwise, I feel much better, but I still have this pit in my stomach. I just keep feeling like something is missing and I know what that is, but I haven't really done much to change that. This always happens when I get too busy and am stubborn about doing what I want instead of what is best for me. I know that I keep looking to others for approval, to make me feel okay about myself. I know I'm looking in the wrong place, but It always comes back to this and I know the answer, but I am sooooo stubborn. I have to make time for God and be still long enough to listen.

I think I can, I think I can...

My first day of class at UNT did nothing to help me gain confidence about getting my masters. I arrived on campus around 11:30, got a parking sticker and spent the next 20 minutes circling one way streets to find a place to park where I wouldn't get a ticket. Not the closest parking to the my class, but I think I'm okay. It took about 5 minutes to get to my class and I was late for my first day. The instructor was already talking ninety to nothing and continued to talk for two hours. Needless to say she is a very passionate person and has a lot of stories. We finally got a break after my bladder was about to explode and all we had done was go through the syllabus and have introductions. I started having a little mini anxiety attack when I realized the amount of work that was going to be required for this short 5 weeks. At this point, I started questioning what the hell was I doing. The next two hours was okay, but I think I may be a little ADD because I just can't stay focused for that long. After class I headed to the bookstore and financial aide, I really didn't know where they were. So I'm lugging my computer bag, which I haven't even used yet in the heat, my hair is sticking to my face and I realize that I am extremely hungry, but I need to get my books and go to financial aide before they close.
When I got to financial aide, I found out my verification did not go through because I failed to fill in all the boxes with 0's that didn't apply to me. So I got that done and headed to the bookstore. When I got to the bookstore, I found out that they don't have two of the books that I need for that class. It would take a week or two to get them in. Which is halfway through the class, but they did direct me to an off-campus bookstore, so I headed there to get one of the books I needed. I did find that there is parking right across the street from my class, which would have been nice to know before my fist class, so i reparked. I am a little shaky at this time because I still haven't gotten anything to eat, but I got one of the books I needed, so I headed back to campus union to find some food. Since it's summer there wasn't really anything open, but I did finally find something and I started to relax a little bit, but then I realized that it might be a good idea if I try to get my book for the next class. YEAH, they actually had one left!
My second four hour class, was much better, the teacher is great! But it is still fours hours!
On my way home, I really started to have an anxiety attack. When I got home, I just started bawling. Can I really do this? I know that I can because I can do anything I set my mind to, but I was mentally exhausted. This morning, I broke it all into pieces so that I'm not looking at the entire 5 weeks at one time. One day at a time. I just have to keep telling myself that. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...

Patio Finished!!!

After spending the day on the lake on Saturday, we came home and finished up the patio. It was great to sit back and enjoy the hard work we put in. I cleaned my apartment on Sunday and spent some time with Renee so we could get caught up on "things". We talked about my confidence and that is definitely something I want to work on this summer. I want to feel like I did last summer when I felt really good about myself on the inside and the out. So, last night I hopped back on the exercise wagon. Ran and walked about 3 miles and today I started yoga. So hopefully, I can start feeling good about my body again soon. That takes care of the outside, so now I just have to make a plan for the inside.
I found out today that I can not get the counseling position at school because I need 24 hours and I will only have 18, so I should be in line for next year. I think I will feel more confident if I have more hours under my belt anyway.
So the last few days have been pretty boring and again when I'm bored, I get a little depressed. Good thing school starts tomorrow and I can have something productive to do.

What A Productive Day!

We built the patio yesterday, since it finally quit raining long enough for the sand to dry out. Yes, I am a Bad Ass!!! We had to break up all the dirt and lugged about 3000 pounds of freakin' rock. Every muscle in my body hurts this morning. The weather was great! Not too hot, a little bit of a breeze, and clouds here and there. Not to say I didn't sweat like a hog. I was one dirty girl at the end of the day. It rained reallly hard last night so it's a good thing we got it done before that. If the weather holds out, I am going with a couple of the neighbors to the lake today.

Like Night and Day

Okay, so today is a new day and I feel 100 times better than yesterday. I went for a walk this morning at the park down the street. It is AMAZING!!! I walked on this winding trail surrounded by streams and beautiful trees. Definitely felt like I was in some National Park somewhere far away from city life. Luckily it isn't too hot yet to be able to enjoy. I walked at least 3 miles and soaked up some quiet time with God. I really felt like God was romancing me. He tries to do that all the time by showing me his beauty in nature, but I am not still long enough to notice. I continually try to find that romance in others and of course, I am always disappointed. No one can ever romance me like God.
I took some pictures on my cell phone, but of course I can't figure out how to get them off my phone or I would post them here.

I"M SINKING!!!!

It's midnight and I have that damn panicky feeling in my chest and I can't sleep. I am hoping by writing, it will go away. So I'm all moved in, and I keep telling myself, I need to go home. But I am home. I'm really sinking tonight and I hate that! After going ninety to nothing for 9 months, it's hard to just stop! I fight this every year and it usually takes about two weeks to finally relax. But to add to that, I am adjusting to living with someone again, trying to find my place, and survive the damn weather. We finally had a few hours yesterday of sunshine and laid out before it rained again. I am actually looking forward to starting school on Tuesday so that I will have something to do with my mind and my time.
My solace is to lay with Presley on the couch every night. Nothing like the unconditional love of a dog.
On a good note, I did have a decent Weekend. Not your typical Memorial day weekend, but considering all the rain, it was alot of fun. Hung out at Nat and Duders Friday night, Saturday day and night, Sunday night and Monday afternoon. I guess we are moving in, LOL. We sang top 500 oldies countdown songs and played Pit under the gazebo and yes I was the winner! I can be a bit competitive, especially after I have had enough beer. I really enjoy my new neighbors. It is nice to feel welcomed where you live. I know when I get home that Terry, the next door neighbor will be there waiting to have a smoke and beer and hear about the day. It is nice to have someone look forward to seeing you.
Last night we went and meet a bunch of teachers at the Magnolia to see Chalk. It's a smart ass movie about teaching. Watch the trailer, it is freakin hysterical. Or maybe just because we live the life or it could have been the two vodka crans before the movie. Afterward, we all went to Mi Cocina and ate then a few of us went to the Old Monk and had some more drinks, and some shots, thank God I wasn't the dd. Hung out with some people I didn't know that well and had a really nice time.
So I really do have alot to be thankful for. If it weren't for friends, this would definitely suck alot more. I am going to wakeup and have a much better attitude in the morning. Hopefully, the sinking feeling will go away, the Ambien is starting to kick in and then I really won't care.
I promise to write something a little less depressing next time.

Pink Razor Phone

Cailtin called yesterday and was so excited that she just got her first cell phone! It's a pink razor and she is so stoked! She doesn't get to have it until driver's ed is over in June. But she could hardly contain herself. Caroline graduated from Kindergarden yesterday and she is very excited about her ballet recital that is coming up. She told me all about her dress and for a 6 year old you would think she is the teenager.

Caitlin

I got an email this morning from my brother-in-law that made me bawl. Photos of Caitlin at her 8th grade graduation and a proud daddy talking about how she won the citizenship award at her school. I hate that I can't be there for all these important events. I got to be there for all of it for the first 7 years and that was so special. I can't believe that she can already be 14 and so grown up. Caitlin and I are soul mates, beans and cornbread, and my heart aches to not be with her. I love those kids so much and I am so proud of them. Got to get to Kansas!

May 22, 2007

School is almost out and again we are back to this place of change. I am beginning to think that if I don't have a major change every year, something is not right. Friday I am moving in with Suzanne and I think this is going to be a very good change for me. It is going to be a great way for both of us to save money and not being alone is a bonus. Luckily we get along well.
I will start summer school at UNT on June 6, so I will be busy with that, but since I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursday, I will get the 4 day weekends. I am wanting to crank out some hours so at the end of the summer, I will have 18 hours. Looks like a couple of the counselors are going to be retiring after next year, so I really think that God made this all happen at just the right time. Coincidence, I think not.
I am getting to take one cool trip this summer. I am going to Nasau Bay, (Houston, not the Bahamas) June 20 with Suzanne and our neighbors. They are really cool people and I think we are going to have a lot of fun. Crazy girls weekend!